When healing ourselves or a child from an insecure attachment style or from an Attachment Disorder, the effects of the trauma on our brain and body need to be considered. By repairing those effects along the way, the healing process goes faster as our body gains more resources that will help us to become balanced and whole.
The digestive tract is a major player in our physical and mental health; it is directly impacted by trauma, especially chronic emotional trauma. Attachment trauma is a chronic stress on the body, as a result, trauma and stress have the following effects on the digestive tract:
. Changes in gut bacteria to unhealthy bacteria
. Intestinal lining becomes leaky
. Increased inflammation throughout the intestines
. Changes in blood flow to the intestines
. Increased reactions and sensitivities to food
. Chronic constipation or diarrhea
. Increased sensitivity (pain) to gas and other intestinal activities
These changes become important when we look at how the brain is impacted by bacteria and inflammation in the gut. This is known as the gut-brain axis and there is a well-developed highway of communication between the two systems. Their activities cannot be separated one from the other. As we grow and develop, we can attach to people and things with different styles, core beliefs or stories including security, anxiety or even by avoiding. Different situations can lead to common stories such as 'I'm not good enough', 'I'm not lovable', 'I can't lose weight', 'I'm always sick', 'My body isn't functioning properly', and we often continue to run with them.
SECURITY
Most of us have a healthy, secure feeling. This can mean we are comfortable with ourselves and other people. We tend to be more satisfied in our work, life and relationships, which generally stems from having a healthy relationship with our parents. More than likely we were allowed to go out and explore the world, but we also felt safe and protected. As we develop, this is mirrored in our friendships, relationships and partnerships by not smothering, trusting and being independent, while also knowing when to be honest, intimate, and supportive. We generally carry high self-esteem.
ANXIETY
When we are anxiously attached people, we can become unhappy in self and worried about being too much or too little in our friendships, relationships, and partnerships. We tend to take everything personally. We don't really live in the moment, but instead place a lot of high hopes on feeling right, looking right and the relationships we have. We can get attached to the potential of them. This can be because we expect to do things we once could, look how we once did and we allow these feelings and these relationships to define us, rescue us, or complete us. We may become co-dependent because we are afraid of feeling or being alone. We may end up taking actions that push us over the edge or push our friends or partnerships away. Sometimes, by being desperate to hang onto our bond, we break it. This can be through dishonest or destructive behaviour with self and others. We tend to withdraw.
AVOIDING
If we are a person that runs with an avoidant story, we may completely avoid our own thoughts or relationships altogether or keep anyone new we meet at a distance. We often sabotage our self, a new friendship or new romance out of nowhere, because we are scared, we or it will breakdown or they will leave us — so we get in there first. This is generally an unconscious attempt to make sure that we never again go through anything like we have been through before. We can be described as dismissive or fearful. Showing tendencies to emotionally distance ourselves and present as being selfish or fearful, which means we can struggle to keep our emotions in check, get overwhelmed easily, and may have intense mood swings.
By becoming aware of our stories, we can challenge the insecurities and fears and develop new stories for sustaining satisfying, loving friendships, relationships and partnerships with ourselves and others.